A still small voice
When I first arrived in Kiev, four years ago, I sought the Lord as to how long I was to stay in Kiev. Why? Because when I lived in Russia I moved about every year. So, I wanted to know, was Kiev the last stop or would I be moving on soon. He gave me this scripture “Stay in the city until you have received power from on high.” Luke 24:49 (paraphrased by me). So, I stayed. And have stayed for four years. I have thought about leaving a couple of times, but the scripture wouild come back to my heart so fast and strong, and I would remember, and stay. Then last night, the Lord spoke through a ”still small voice” and I received “my marching orders” so to speak. But I am not sure what to do next, so again, I wait for Him to speak and to show me the way I am to go. That was the background, how I got to this point, so here is fast forwarding to the present.
Since November, the Lord has chosen to speak to me every now and then through this “still small voice”. The first time it happened I didn’t understand what was going on. But the voice kept talking, one line sentences, till I “got it” :). This small voice happened to me when I was in Poltava recently. I was in Poltava longer than I expected helping a friend who’s back had gone out. I was praying if I needed to stay longer or return to Kiev, this still small voice spoke to me and said “go home”. That’s it. Nothing more. I tried to make my brain say more, change it’s mind (oh why do we test God so when we know it’s Him?), but to no avail. So, I went home.
Then it happened again, last night. I was curled up in bed reading the last book in the Mitford series. Now I want to clarify, I wasn’t reading my Bible, a devotional, or anything spiritual. Just a regular fictional book. I had read maybe two paragraphs before God spoke. I put the book down and just prayed. God if this is you, speak to my heart please. I wasn’t scared, just being honest with the Lord.
So, what happened, you might be wondering. This still small voice spoke to me (no it wasn’t audible, it was more like it was in my brain…but wasn’t). The voice said, “you have the power.” Ok, so that got my attention real fast! I put the book down and started praying and asked the Lord what He meant, and the Lord impressed this upon my heart.
When I first came to Ukraine I lacked confidence and strength in Him..I relied on myself and mostly other people for strength and confidence-and now I am looking to Him for my confidence and strength..that was part of why I got so sick-taking me to nothing (literally) to something-I had to rely on Him because there wasn’t anything in me to rely on anymore. After becoming seriously ill I had begun to feel very alone.
The bottom line is that I have this “power from on high” because I am now looking to Him for strength and confidence. No longer am I looking to others-or to self. All these past four years I was thinking this power was going to be some big kind of revelation, perhaps one of the gifts of the spirit that would just explode itself upon me. Or maybe even that this power would be so evident in how it came upon me that I couldn’t help but notice it-like a lightening bolt or a thunderstorm kind of thing. But the Lord was showing me last night that this power is confidence and strength in Him, that was what I was lacking. And the reason it didn’t come like a lightening bolt or a thunderstorm is because this has been a gradual process as I learned to trust Him more.
So, what is my power? My power is just the simple confidence and strength in the Lord. To look to Him and not self or people for my all in all and whatever I need. He will provide. He will bring it to pass (whatever that “it” might be). He is there for me, I just needed to fully understand and accept this concept. Before, there were parts of me that were doubting…oh sure I still doubt-don’t we all?? but the doubting is turning to confidence-confidence and strength in the Lord.
You may think I have gone crazy. I really haven’t. And I am not always such a deep spiritual thinker. All I can say is that since I had pancreatitis a year and a half ago, the Lord has been speaking to me in some amazing ways. And usually when I least expect it.
So, that’s it-just wanted to share that little piece of revelation. Thanks for reading.
later ~
