Mr. Policeman!
Monday-March 20th. I am on my way to a friend’s for lunch. As I step off the marshuka (mini van used for public transportation) I glance down at my directions, look up, and see three policeman coming my way. I ignore them and start walking. Suddenly, Mr. Policeman stops me and salutes. BUMMERS!!!!!!! I get stopped by the militia (Police) always-and usually on a day like today when i am minding my own business.Mr. Policeman asks me where I am going and I reply “just going to a friend’s house for lunch-she lives in Poznaki” (for those that don’t live in Ukraine, that is an area of town. I had a piece of paper in my hand with her directions-the wind was whipping my hair everywhere..Mr. Policeman then recites his name really fast, and says again, documents please. I am thinking in my head (whatever! Do i look African? [in Ukraine they are always stopping Africans and harassing them. Some Africans are here illegaly, some aren't. But to the police here, anyone with dark skin of any kind is African]..Ok sure, my skin color is brown so i MUST be African..and if i were African..why did you stop me when all i was doing was walking) so I pull out my passport and he asks me where do I live-I say Kiev. 
(Which is true. I live in Kiev!) Then at the same time i drop some kind of advertisement from Timoshenko-oh GREAT I think-now he thinks I am in her camp and I like her-what will he do now? So, he takes a look at my passport and asks “where are you from”? I say “AMERICA!!”!!! (I am thinking..the land of the free and the brave) he says “America”??? like he doesn’t believe me..I say “America” he asks me again, where do you live? I say Kiev, Tremkie (that is the area I live in for those who don’t live in Ukraine) and I give him my address. (I begin to hear the voice of a good friend of mine in my head saying, “act dumb, act like you don’t know Russian. Don’t ask questions and don’t give them more than they ask for.” Then i think-GREAT I blew it-I am answering ALL his questions AND giving out more info!!SHEESH when will I ever learn!!!) Along with this police guy are two of his helpers, I shall call them “henchmen” for lack of a better term. They really aren’t doing much except standing there, gawking and smoking. So Head policeman tells henchman with cigarrette in his mouth to write down my info, which henchman does but just on a plain piece of paper. I start thinking …”ok..hmmmm..why are you writing down my information on a plain piece of paper. If this is official business shouldn’t it be on offical paper? So I ask..”why are you writing down my info”? Once again I hear my friend’s voice in my head..”keep your mouth shut and don’t ask questions..ya ne poleedenik [I don't understand] is what you are to say..) Mr. Policeman answers my question and I have no idea what he is saying so I finally I just keep my mouth shut and say “ya knee poly del knick!!! He looks at me really strange. Then he wants to see my VISA, so I show him, and he is not satisfied with that and wants to see my registration..so I show him. He says “expired”. I say I have 6 months from last entry so I don’t need to leave till mid April. Then he gets this serious frown on his face and wants to see my last re-entry date. I am having problems finding it because there are so many stamps from leaving and re-entering the country and somehow the border people can NEVER stamp my passport in the correct place. Then Mr. henchman with cigarrette in his mouth hanging out and blowing smoke in my face (excuse me, but can you please do something with that cigarette-it is really bothering me), he just keeps writing down all my info and gawking at me when he thinks I am not looking. I turn a couple of times away from them to get away from the cigarrette smoke and cuz the wind is blowing my hair in my face (ahhh..that’s it-he is enchated with my hair!!!) I go to close my passport thinking they have all they need and mr henchman with cigarrette says he isn’t done-(what’s taking you so long buddy?? can i help speed up the process a little??) but I just say, “oh sorry” . Mr. Policeman capitan says “where are you going” I say..”to be a guest of some friends of mine..he says..who? I say, I don’t know their family name,” and I tell them their first names..he says “ok”, hands me my passport and they walk away.
(Which is true. I live in Kiev!) Then at the same time i drop some kind of advertisement from Timoshenko-oh GREAT I think-now he thinks I am in her camp and I like her-what will he do now? So, he takes a look at my passport and asks “where are you from”? I say “AMERICA!!”!!! (I am thinking..the land of the free and the brave) he says “America”??? like he doesn’t believe me..I say “America” he asks me again, where do you live? I say Kiev, Tremkie (that is the area I live in for those who don’t live in Ukraine) and I give him my address. (I begin to hear the voice of a good friend of mine in my head saying, “act dumb, act like you don’t know Russian. Don’t ask questions and don’t give them more than they ask for.” Then i think-GREAT I blew it-I am answering ALL his questions AND giving out more info!!SHEESH when will I ever learn!!!) Along with this police guy are two of his helpers, I shall call them “henchmen” for lack of a better term. They really aren’t doing much except standing there, gawking and smoking. So Head policeman tells henchman with cigarrette in his mouth to write down my info, which henchman does but just on a plain piece of paper. I start thinking …”ok..hmmmm..why are you writing down my information on a plain piece of paper. If this is official business shouldn’t it be on offical paper? So I ask..”why are you writing down my info”? Once again I hear my friend’s voice in my head..”keep your mouth shut and don’t ask questions..ya ne poleedenik [I don't understand] is what you are to say..) Mr. Policeman answers my question and I have no idea what he is saying so I finally I just keep my mouth shut and say “ya knee poly del knick!!! He looks at me really strange. Then he wants to see my VISA, so I show him, and he is not satisfied with that and wants to see my registration..so I show him. He says “expired”. I say I have 6 months from last entry so I don’t need to leave till mid April. Then he gets this serious frown on his face and wants to see my last re-entry date. I am having problems finding it because there are so many stamps from leaving and re-entering the country and somehow the border people can NEVER stamp my passport in the correct place. Then Mr. henchman with cigarrette in his mouth hanging out and blowing smoke in my face (excuse me, but can you please do something with that cigarette-it is really bothering me), he just keeps writing down all my info and gawking at me when he thinks I am not looking. I turn a couple of times away from them to get away from the cigarrette smoke and cuz the wind is blowing my hair in my face (ahhh..that’s it-he is enchated with my hair!!!) I go to close my passport thinking they have all they need and mr henchman with cigarrette says he isn’t done-(what’s taking you so long buddy?? can i help speed up the process a little??) but I just say, “oh sorry” . Mr. Policeman capitan says “where are you going” I say..”to be a guest of some friends of mine..he says..who? I say, I don’t know their family name,” and I tell them their first names..he says “ok”, hands me my passport and they walk away.I think as I begin to walk away “so, what was all that about, too weird. Well, at least I wasn’t nervous this time…just talked too much!! Yea yea I know. ya knee poly del nick!!
Yea yea I know. ya knee poly del nick!! Lately I’ve noticed there are more of capitains and henchmans all around..they are hanging out more at train stations I have heard..hmmmm, hope i don’t have problems with “capitains and henchman with cigarrettes dangling” when I go to Poltava…oh well.I am in the right and they can’t do anything to me cuz I am not doing anything wrong. I just need to learn to not ask questions, pretend i don’t understand the language (that is hard) and only give out what they ask for. (I need more lessons from my friend:)
While I resume looking for my friend’s apartment I muttering to myself “ya knee poly del nik, ya knee poly del nick” :). I sure hope these elections don’t make “Mr. Capitan Policeman and his henchman with cigarretes dangling out of their mouths” appear more often…hmmmmmm
anyway-just a day in the life of Vanessa…:) heard any angel wings lately?
