Angel Wings

The Lord has been teaching me much lately in the area of contentment, being content in Him.  I don’t consider myself what some people call “a control freak”, but then I don’t like to be out of control either, rather I like things to be organized, to have things organized in a way that I can find them quickly.  Or in life, I like to have a plan, to know what is going to happen ahead of time so that I can be prepared (I was after all, a Girl Scout, and our motto was “be prepared” J ).

This desire to have life situations orderly has transferred over into my walk with the Lord through the gift of administration. When I had administrative assistant jobs in the states, I excelled in my jobs to the utmost, with every detail about my job organized in such a fashion that I could locate anything within minutes of being asked.  Once I started working in Christian organizations, I had to be careful to not “administrate the Holy Spirit” out of the ministry. Oh sure, it is great to have the gift of administration, and a blessing from the Lord, but I have had to learn on more than one occasion to “let go and let God” as it seemed that I had the whole situation clenched (administrated) tightly in my fists. Each year as I have grown more in the Lord, the fist has opened and more of my life and ministry has opened up to the Lord, trusting in Him for all things rather than in myself and how I can administrate or control the situation.  This year it seems as if the Lord wants to show me more of how I can truly trust in Him for all situations. 

As I transferred from focusing on being coordinator/director of Healing Hearts Ministries Ukraine, to broadening my ministries, allowing the Lord to develop my gifts into other areas, the change in ministry and life was hard for the “orderly” part of me, as it all came about rather suddenly.  I had become comfortable in the ministry the Lord had given me, but even with that comfortableness I had a nagging sense in the back of my mind, the last year or so, that a change in ministry/life was going to come about.  Even though the last year or so the Lord had been trying to prepare me for this change with that “nagging sense” I didn’t really pay attention as I wasn’t sure what kind of change would come about, or when it would come about.  And I felt confident that the Lord would give me plenty of notice.  After all, He knows that I like to know “the plan” ahead of time.  So when the change came, it took me quite by surprise, and for me it felt “drastic”.  When I began to understand what was happening in my ministry/life, the feeling I got was as if my boss one day came up to me and said, “sorry, you are being laid off, and it has nothing to do with hierarchy, (who was hired when) but we feel that it is time to turn your job over to someone else” or put another way, I felt as if my favorite blanket had suddenly been taken away from me without the “weaning” process, just snatched away without any prior notice or warning.  Not only had I lost my security, my comfortableness, but my life seemed to be at that moment, out of control.  I knew at that moment that I was going to have to trust in Him in a greater sense for everything from now on.  Instead of ministering in the comfortable manner of which I had grown accustomed, I was going to need to lean on Him in a manner that I had never have before.  I also began to understand that I did not have any control over my life or the ministry that He had given me, but He was the one in charge, (He knew and knows the plan) always and at all times, even in surprise changes.  Nothing is a surprise to the Lord.

“It was only when my routine life was yanked from under me, and when I understood I didn’t have an iota of control over any of it, that I realized I’d never been in charge in the first place.  It was only then that I learned I could live with my loss.“* My “loss” had nothing to do with the change in ministry but everything to do with having lost a part of my deep intimate relationship with the Lord. I was so busy administrating and serving out of my comfortableness that I didn’t realize that the Lord and I had lost the “fine tuning” of our relationship.  I had lost some of the deepest most intimate part of our relationship, He hadn’t lost me.  He was always there, waiting for me to come back to Him not as we were in that comfortable “yea, things are going great Lord” type of life, but in a deeper moremore of a “Lord, I need you here to show me the way, to minister with me Lord, to pour yourself more and more into me so that I can truly be your vessel, your drink offering.”   The time had come for me to stop holding onto the reigns, to stop trying to make sense of ministry and life on my own.  This was not my job; it never was and never should or will be.  This life, this ministry, whichever ministry I am doing, is His to make, (He was the one who designed it after all, not me) form and well, be in control of.  “I didn’t understand life.  And yet I knew God had His hand in it all.  Maybe someday I’d figure it out. But not today.  Today was for celebrating dreams…broken, mended, made new.  I planned to do just that.”* intimate relationship,

So now, I am in a new city (Poltava, Ukraine).  I am celebrating new ministries, new friends/ministry partners, a new dwelling place, a new life, and new dreams.  Where I am living is surrounded by trees and away from the rush of the center of town.  Although I am on the other side of town from others in my ministry group, it doesn’t matter. The Lord has placed a peace in my heart about my new dwelling place from the minute I walked in the front door (something I have never had before with any other dwelling places) as He said this new place would be my refuge from the storms, a place where I could get alone and be with Him surrounded by His beauty.  And I know that in this time of refuge, of rest, the Lord and I will have some great intimate times together, a renewing of our love and our life together. I am therefore content in the knowledge that I am in the center of His will.  I don’t want to be like the Israelites wandering in the desert complaining of all that He has given me, but rather I want to rejoice in that He has given me this divine appointment, this place, this time of rest, a refuge,  where I can just “be” and find my all in all in Him.  I have come to realize once again (perhaps the hard way), that in life and ministry it is all of Him all the time.  The result?  The Lord and I can “re-tune, re-fine”, and have more of a deep intimate relationship, ministering together in a more complete manner. Then I can be prepared to be a vessel (a newly remodeled vessel) of God, one that is filled fully with Him, a drink offering ready to be poured out onto others who thirst. For me, that is enough. There is nothing more that I would want. 

What about you? Are you content in this journey of life/ministry the Lord has given you? Have you given Him all of yourself so He can fill you with all of Himself? Are you a vessel poured out as a drink offering for Him? Is He enough for you? Think and pray about these things.  And while you’re doing that, keep listening for the sound of Angel wings, you never know when you might hear them.

Content in Him

Vanessa~

(*Quotes taken from “With Love, Libby” by Roxanne Henke)

I promised you that I would write about the 10 day outreach trip with Healing Hearts Ukraine.  Below is the update.  Happy reading !

For those who may not know, Healing Hearts is a ministry designed to minister to the needs of post abortive women.  Healing Hearts is an international ministry with its headquarters situated in America.  Approximately fourteen years ago, the Lord placed it on my heart to take this ministry first to Russia, and then in the last four years, to Ukraine to share the same hope and healing that many women in America have received, with Ukrainian women.  The Lord impressed upon me that an abortion is an abortion no matter what a nationality you are, or what country you live in, and that women in the former Soviet Union needed to hear about the love, forgiveness, hope and healing that only the Lord can bring just as much, if not more, than the women in America.  As a result the Lord has given me the opportunity to minister to many women all over the former Soviet Union.  The fruit of this is that the ministry has seen Ukrainian women begin to take on leadership roles, sharing about the ministry in their churches, Women’s Bible Studies, and Church conferences.  Therefore the time had come to turn the ministry over to Ukrainian nationals, which meant that my role as director/coordinator of Healing Hearts Ukraine would come to an end. 

During our recent Healing Hearts Ukraine conference, three leaders from the ministry, in America including the mission’s director, plus myself were able to travel to four different cities (Kiev, Poltava, Dnipropetrovsk, Pervomaysk-Lugansk region).  Our journey started in the north with Transformation Baptist church in Kiev, Ukraine and ended in the south with Vozrozhdeneyea Baptist church in Pervomaysk, Ukraine. Our goal was to encourage Ukrainian leaders who are actively involved in the ministry within their churches, as well as sharing about the ministry along with local churches and ministries such as women’s Bible Studies and local Pregnancy Centers.

Our journey was adventurous as we traveled 17 hours from Kiev south to Pervomaysk, Lugansk region on an old Soviet styled train that made 41 stops within that 17 hour period.  Our journey was filled with His Spirit as we experienced a great outpouring of the Holy Spirit.  In each city we held a general conference where we shared information on post abortion trauma, as well as information on the ministry.  We gave the opportunity for post abortive women to take home a copy of the study to do themselves or to give to a friend who is post abortive.  As we witnessed women coming forth to receive the Bible Study tears ran down their cheeks as they shared their individual stories and repented of their abortions before the Lord.  Through the outreaches in these various cities, we were able to share with approximately 180 women about His love, healing, hope and forgiveness.  We were also able to share with Pastor’s and women’s ministry leaders in each city to educate on the effects of abortion in a women’s life as well as to encourage them to use the Healing Hearts Bible Study as an evangelism tool within their ministries. One Pastor in Pervomaysk sat in the balcony of the church during the entire five hour women’s outreach in which Ukrainian Healing Hearts leaders participated in the outreach with teachings, testimonies, songs and poems of repentance/forgiveness as well as a drama on abortion.  He later shared his full approval of the ministry inviting us to return again.

In Pervomaysk, we were able to share with 21 of our leaders from that area, in a one day seminar designed to equip the leaders further in their ministry.  The leaders also shared with us on the growth of the ministry in their areas, including testimonies of healing. We all felt the Lord draw us all closer together, at times dropping the language and culture barrier, as we ate together, stayed in their homes, and shared with each other the Lord’s work. 

Although it is very exciting to see and hear of all the Lord has done in this ministry over the past years, at the same time as the leadership was handed over, I felt mixed emotions, much in the same as a mother might have watching her child grow up, go off to college, and then get married. 

I have since then moved from Kiev, Ukraine to Poltava and will continue to minister to post abortive women as the Lord leads (currently I have one young lady that is going through the Healing Hearts Bible Study). I will also be ministering at the Pregnancy Center in Poltava, teaching the volunteer counselors how to counsel women, especially post abortive women, ministering to special needs orphans, and directing the Poltava drama team.  The Lord is not done with me yet here in Ukraine, and just as I am looking forward to how He will use Ukrainian Healing Hearts leaders to continue the growth of the ministry, I am also looking forward to how He will work in and through me as I have broadened my areas of ministry. 

Please keep the ministry of Healing Hearts Ukraine as well as the ministry in Poltava in your prayers.  I know the Lord’s mighty hand is on both of these ministries, as He guides and directs us to share about Him, so that others may taste and see that the Lord is good. 

And don’t forget to keep listening. You never know when you might hear the sound of Angel wings…

Blessings~

Vanessa-Poltava, Ukraine

(For more information on the ministry of Healing Hearts, you may go to their web-site at www.healinghearts.org)

I read this today in My Streams in the Desert devotional and I thought it worth sharing.  Vanessa~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

George Matheson

“‘The road is too rough,’ I said;
‘It is uphill all the way;
No flowers, but thorns instead;
And the skies over head are grey.’
But One took my hand at the entrance dim,
And sweet is the road that I walk with Him.

“The cross is too great,’ I cried–
‘More than the back can bear,
So rough and heavy and wide,
And nobody by to care.’
And One stooped softly and touched my hand:
‘I know. I care. And I understand.’

“Then why do we fret and sigh;
Cross-bearers all we go:
But the road ends by-and-by
In the dearest place we know,
And every step in the journey we
May take in the Lord’s own company.”

Today is the 4^th anniversary of when I arrived in Ukraine!!! And what am I doing? Packing to move to another city and begin another journey. Four years ago I was arriving. Now I am in the process. BUT, I am moving HURRAH, HURRAH, HURRAH!!!! And I am excited with anticipation, but I am in the unpleasant part of moving right now (at least for me).

So when you are moving, what is the part that you dislike the most? The organizing of stuff to pack, the actual packing, the moving, the being surrounded by boxes in your current abode, the moving in, and/or the organizing once you move in? For me, I think the two things I dislike are the packing, and the being surrounded by boxes BEFORE I do the actual move. I feel when I am surrounded by all these boxes that I am living in a shell. I dislike living in a shell. I like my abode to feel homey a place where people feel at home away from home. Where they can come in, take their shoes off, and relax a little while. Right now, being surrounded by boxes I have that “living in a shell feeling”, and the “homey” is quite gone altogether. BUT, one thing I have been able to do during the organizing part of packing, is lighten my load (i.e. get rid of things). I somehow accumulated too many “things” in the four years of living here in Kyiv. That needs to change, but still be able to have my place have that homey feeling. I’ve whittled some things down, but the Lord has been speaking to me about whittling down more. (Maybe I should have been a turtle, they don’t have to worry about moving houses, having too many “things” or if their house has that homey feeling)! One thing I know, I am just moving to a different city and one not too far away either. If I were moving to another country, the majority of all these “things” would be gone. I would sell them or give them away. BUT during all this whittling away of things and the process of packing, I’ve had some awesome conversations with the Lord. Therefore, I can’t say that this part of the process of moving, has been all that distasteful. How often do you and the Lord have quantity and quality time together?

Aside from all the things that I have packed, aside from being surrounded by boxes and living in a shell, I am looking forward with anticipation to this new journey. The road getting to this point was long, but then when everything started to fall into place, it was very sudden too. Because of all this, I have a sense that the Lord has something really special for me in this new journey.

You never know, I might even hear the sound of angel wings…

Vanessa~

Praises 

The 10 day trip with Healing Hearts went well. (I’ll share more on that in my next blog)

The ministry was sucessfully handed over to one leader in Eastern Ukraine, and three contacts in Northern Ukraine.

The Lord showed me where and what I am to do next. 

Prayers:

I:  I am moving to Poltava, Ukraine, please pray… 

1.  For myself as I transition onto other ministries in Poltava on a more full time basis

2.  For all issues regarding relocating to a different city 

a. hedge of protection on my body and health during moving

b. helpers to move furniture and boxes both in Kiev and in Poltava

c. an inexpensive but good moving van

d. a specific date to move

e. finance for moving 

 Calvary Chapel Ukraine is having its 7th Annual National conference 18th May-21st May

Pray For:

1. outpouring of the Holy Spirit on all attending

2. Warm, sunny weather

3. Hedge of protection and good health for all coming

4. good food in both camps

5. warm places to sleep

6. travel mercies for our guests coming to help out

7. that I would feel His Holy Spirit upon me in a powerful new way the entire conference

Thanks for praying! I’ll be in touch after the conference for updated prayer and praise requests..

HI!!! I’ve missed sharing with you all! I’ve been gone for a while-no I didn’t disappear~ministry got ahead of me and time to sit and blog was non existent. But I am back now and will be updating my blogs periodically. First I want to share the lyrics to a song my friend’s girlfriend posted on her blog. This is SO appropriate to how I feel, how I’ve felt, how I’m feeling at different times in my life, I couldn’t resist sharing it. The third stanza is really appropriate I think to how we all feel, and then the final one, oh how true when we trust in Him things don’t seem as hard.

So anyway, enough mush enjoy, and check out the new photo albums just uploaded. I’ll be back again with more thoughts.

And don’t forget to listen carefully, you’ll never know when you will hear the sound of Angel Wings

“My Saviour Leads Me

Where are the signs? Which way should I go?

I planned each step but now I don’t know.

Tomorrow is a chasm of uncertainty

But, I will go there, if You’ll go with me.

Gentle Savior, lead me on.

Let Your Spirit light the way

Gentle Savior, lead me on.

Hold me close and keep me safe.

Lead me on, Gentle Savior.

Why can’t I walk away from my regrets

And why is forgiveness so hard to accept?

My past surrounds me like a house I can’t afford.

But you say, “Come with me; don’t live there anymore.”

And when I reach the valley every soul must journey through

I’ll remember then how well You know the way.

I’ll put my hand in Your hand like a trusting child would do

And say… “

David Phelps “Gentle Savior”